The Farewell

Yesterday was the mass departure for some of us, including me, from our beloved facebook online game clan, called Suikoden. The chatroom of this small clan was filled with a mixture of emotions, relief, sadness, disappointment, shock, and even a slight anger. Well all in all the departure and farewell went pretty quick. Though it was kinda abrupt but I think it was for the best. The longer it takes the harder it is for those who were leaving as well as for those who’re staying. It’s funny how most of us get so emotional of this little community created solely for entertainment purpose. If you weren’t apart of it you’d never understand that feeling. A lot of ignorant people will dismiss the sentiment as virtual obsession. Yes everything was virtual but I can assure 1 thing that is real and that is the friendship we built through playing it and being a part of this little virtual community.

Suikoden is the 1st online game clan (well it’s not even exactly a true blue online game) that I actually got so attached and involved in. I’d say that now I finally have a taste of what some of those online game addicts feel. With this, I understand that gamers sometime are not addicted because of their obsession to be powerful (in the game), to escape reality but instead, it maybe the bond and attachment that they’ve built with various people over the net that prevent them from leaving. All in all, it has been a fun ride. It allows me to keep in touch with my real life friends who’re residing at different part of the world. It also allows me to get to know more friends who I may actually going meet in real life someday. If not because of this stupid facebook application, our path may never cross for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, sometime it seems that it’s better not to get too attached to anything because you’ll never when you’re going to lose it.

Lastly, I wish all my Suikoden peeps all the best in their furture endeavor.

The Farewell

Life’s a Drama

For the past week since my exam was over, I found myself got entangled up in a few dramatic situation. First of all was me sulking and getting all moody over my poor performance in exam. After that, it was my friend turn sulk to over his. Then we talked to find out who’s worse. -_-” A few days later, one of my friends suddenly became overly irritating but I couldn’t do anything about it for some reasons. I figured I should lay my opinions somewhere to prevent it from accumulating to frustration. And well I did. And just 1 or 2 days back, in my online gaming clan, there was a member who raised a complain regarding a certain situation. The complain caused a few members to get quite emotional and the situation became more dramatic than it should’ve been.

This suddenly reminds me of how our lives are, in one way or another, similar to those Korean, Japanese, Chinese or Singapore drama. The basic idea behind the plot is the same and that is one’s emotion(s)/feeling(s) affects another person’s emotion, which in turn affects another’s. This chain reaction create a story. You often hear people say they want to live a happy life or they only long for happiness in their life. But you never hear people wanting misery or sadness to be part of their lives. However, the ugly truth is we can’t live without it. If we can’t have it in our lives, we unconsciously wish it to happen in our friends’ so we can be apart of that misery. And if it doesn’t happen in our lives and neither our friends’ lives, we will crave for it by other means. This is precisely why people loves watching those Asian dramas or those reality shows. To feel emotion, get emotional and ultimately, share that emotions.  But if you ask, not many of them will admit it. The reason is probably lie in my previous entry, titled “unappreciated“. There also the other bunch of people where they have “very good” reasons for doing so like “Dramas are interesting”, “drama helps you understand life”, “they teach us life lesson”, or a more sophisticated reason will be “drama is an art that portrays philosophy of life”. Let’s dissect those few reasons.

“Interesting” is most vague answer one can possibly give. What makes drama interesting. Is it the part where it makes cry? or the part where it makes you smile after you cry? or the part where it makes you curse the plot for making the characters so dumb and fall into every emotional trap that could never possibly happen in real life (well that is according to you of course)? “Dramas are interesting.” is a statement and not a reason.

Let’s move on to “helps us understand life” and “teach us life lesson”. Fun fact, this is what my mom told me when I made an ignorant comment about drama series being predictable, unrealistic, and boring. Well if you have seen enough of the outside world, you’d come to understand that life is far to complex and individualistic for drama to help us understand it, let alone teach us life lesson. What it does is exaggerate situation that some of us may face in life for us to relate our feelings and memory with. It’s funny how we human tend to find solace in other’s misery. On the surface we deny it but underneath we succumb to it.

I think I’m getting quite carried away with this so I’m just gonna end it here. This is 1 of the things we think and don’t say.

Life’s a Drama

Unappreciated

Photo: unappreciated by lpdragonfly @ DeviantArt

I suddenly would like noting this down as I seem to have encountered the situation quite often. What I’m talking about is the situation where in conversation, you are faced with questions regarding your hobbies and what you like doing to occupy your leisure time and you choose not to reveal some of the things you do because you feel that your conversation partner will not be able to appreciate or may show disapproval towards it. For example, you decided to go to a mall to window shop. When you came back a friend asked where were you. Instead of saying you window-shopped, you’d probably just say “I went out”. Then he may go further, “what did you do?”. In this case, If I think that the guy would respond “whoa! you got so much free time ah?”, I probably wouldn’t bother telling him I purposely went out just to window shop and just say “to buy stuff.” or “check out sth.”

Basically, it’s about sth you do or enjoying doing that other people perceive it as useless stuff, unproductive stuff, or waste of time. What I don’t like about it is not the fact that the person doesn’t appreciate or approve of what you’re doing. It’s his inconsiderate expression of disapproval that puts me off. I mean what exactly is considered a waste of time. Do we always have to have a plausible reason for doing sth? Can’t “just for fun” or “i like doing it” be a good enough reason to justify it? Hahaha… I don’t know where am I trying get at with this but I guess what am I trying to say is that each individual has their own love and passion for things. They are unexplainable sometime. We don’t know why but we just like doing it. So we should think before showing our negative reaction towards it. Well, not like anyboy doesn’t know this but thing is it happens unconsciously sometime (especially for guys I think).

Here is one of the many scenarios, I encountered. When I first got a blog and I told my peers about it, here were some of the responses I got…

A: Cool! what’s your blog link?
B: Welcome to the world of blogging.
C: I see…
D: Are you gay? Only girls write blog dudes.
E: Wat de… blogs are for emos lah.
F: You have too much free time is it?

There it goes. Another random entry. ^_^

Unappreciated

Defeated. Lesson Learned?

I’ve been away from here for quite some time due to Exam. I was so tempted to write about so many things during my mugging confinement period but I resisted the temptation everytime. Well I guess the first thing I should be writing now is reflection on the exam since it’s still hot and heated in my brain.

Well, as the title stated, it went pretty awful. To the point that I believe that I couldn’t have messed up anything in my life thus far more than this semester exam. After today’s paper, I was practically covered with sense of total defeat and disappointment. It was a complete mess. After a few hours of sulking, I finally came to my senses again and began wondering what was I dreaded for? I mean since secondary school, there were subjects that I wasn’t able to perform even though I put the most effort in it. Not like this is sth new in my academic endeavor. I think the obvious issue here is that I’m so concerned with the fact that in university, every result of every subject will effect the quality of my degree, which logically should affect my career life, at least initially. Though it may not exactly be the case, but such mindset was hard drilled into me since the very beginning that I couldn’t ignore the possibility of it happening. Well, this is how powerful society’s influence can be. You ignore it, it ignores you. Choices? Face it or fear it.

I’ll leave it at that as I have no concrete solution to myself for that. I still do what I always have done. Go through it and try to make it out alive in one piece (emotionally speaking).

Next issue is now that I know I screwed it up, what do I do? break down and cry? Nah.. Never happen, and I’d like to keep it at that. So? try Invent time machine and go back in time and study harder for it? I might as well go and sell my time marchine and become a millionaire. Reflect, Learn and Prepare? duh.. this is a no-brainer for any educated person. So here it goes..

Reflect: I think I know just exactly what went wrong. Most of it could be corrected except for a few fundamental issues that snowball the whole thing. That is the lack of drive and motivation to excel, the lost of ambition to compete and the absent of sense of achievement. Why would I want to excel in sth I’m not interest in excelling in? Why am I trying so hard to fit in where I don’t exactly want to belong? Why should I battle so hard for sth I’m not proud of winning? Some of these questions do pop up every now and then, and they bother me a great deal sometime. Most of the time I shoo them away by telling myself that I should stay focused and work hard. To keep it short, the bottom line is do I hate my course? Well, I recently have a good answer to that. I like learning what is being taught but not studying them.

Learn: What do I learn from this experience? To never pull and all nighter before your paper, and drink 2 cans of redbull. It never work! I totally got pwned by Mugging for Dummies and How to be a Mugger 101 lol but I had no choice though. It was either do or do (lol the word “die” is pretty sensitive in my school now I shall not use it too lightly). On a more serious note, life’s like that. No payne No gayne yerrhh!

Prepare: Well, first thing gotta get ready for worst in my results, of course. And depending on how bad they turn out to be, I will have make up for it in year 3 and 4. All I’m saying is IF it is bad, hahaha I’m still clinging on to that little hope that it isn’t that bad although I’m usually pretty accurate at judging my own performance in study.

Defeated. Lesson Learned?

Ethic?

Yesterday, I had a small disagreement with my group mate regarding our report feedback. My take on the feedback form is to reflect my opinion on each member truthfully. His, however, is to falsely reflect that the project went smoothly and everyone put in equal contribution so that it shows that we have a good teamwork because if the tutor feels that there is no teamwork, he could deduct our score. So he’s saying that I should put a decent comment even on a member who refuse to participate, never listen, and produce rubbish work just to make others’ life more miserable. And he’s my group leader. This put me off completely. I felt like I should no longer need to put effort into the project anymore. Anyway, how high our grade goes is already limited by how much rubbish the person gave us. To him, it may be just a stupid feedback form for us to waste more time trying to show how good our group is but to me, it’s the only form of reflection that I have to show my view on this project and who is putting in effort and who’s not. Well, eventually, I stop caring so much about the whole project and just do my part and leave it be.

Through this small situation, I noticed something. This is actually one of the classic cases of ethical issue that happen in a project. Some people choose to hide the truth when they know the truth will hurt them. My question is: “is this ethical?” or “do you even care?” It also reminds me of something he mentioned back then on the death case of the NTU student. We were discussing about the many rumors that have been circulating around on whether he was attacker or a victim and whether the case is related to the suicide case of the NTU staff. He was blaming the school and the media for covering up the truth and exaggerating the facts. Then he said, “Why don’t they just tell us the truth? all I want to know is the truth.” And now he’s contradicting himself. If I were to re-quote his statement back to him, he’d probably just shrug and say that they are totally unrelated. Are they? Contextually, No, they are not related, but Ethically, Yes, they definitely are.

Ethic?

Breaking Limits

I thought last semester was the busiest time of my life thus far but guess what, it was nowhere near this semester. I was amazed at how I finally got myself whined up in all these. First, I became Publicity Officer for my faculty club (Computer Engineering Club). In semester 1, I found it very hectic to handle that and study. When semester 1 was over, I thought I finally got the hang of it. Then when semester 2 hits, I first found myself overloading my subjects. Before I know it, Chinese New Year is over and I have 4 Project and 1 CIDP (Computer Innovation Design Project) at hands. I was like huh?? then I was like what??? then I was …zzzZZZ. Then yesterday I had a very good news that came at a very bad timing. I got offered a part-time job that I thought I would never get it. I anyhow applied for fun in somewhere like January. Only February they called back. The Opportunity to learn and earn in this job is too good to reject. I don’t think opportunity will just come knocking at me anytime I want, so of course I accepted the offer. So yeah that was how I came to where I am right now…. then I was like huh?? again then I went yaay?? then I was ……..

Breaking Limits indeed. Whether this is my luck or misfortune, I dunno but this is definitely a challenge. So I shall do what I was always taught to do in school, TAKING ON THE CHALLENGE.

Finally, all the best to me, Merry Christmas to my brain, and Happy New Year to my grades. ^o^

Breaking Limits

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

~~HAPPY NEW YEAR~~

Another year has passed, and another year is here. Whatever happened last year is now history and whatever happened this year is still a mystery. All I can do is to reflect on the history and try to solve the mystery so that I don’t end up in misery. Many things went well, and many went wrong as well. This year I’m going to make more go well and less go wrong. But whatever it is, I still have to make my new year resolutions to get a blur vision of my direction for this year.

That aside, I gotta say last year I had one of the most happening New Year eve and an a fun-filled New Year this year too. It cheered me up from the bad news after Christmas.With that, I’m ready to get started with another year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Untouchable

Came across this in DeviantArt

Although I’m more into digital art and effects, I still think that photography is an incredibly awesome art. With the current technology, the marriage between digital photo editing and the eye for beauty give birth to an incredibly marvelous masterpiece. At the present, digital art allows us to invent or recreate almost anything at will, if not anything. It allows artist bring imagination into reality but I think photography enables you to do the opposite. A genius of photography can transform something we see everyday into an imaginary piece of art.  Female is one the most stunningly beautiful piece of living art. A photographer can put their beauties beyond description, their elegance beyond words, and their grace beyond awesome. Then they magically capture those moments.

I was browsing through DeviantArt for material for my poster design, then I came across all these awesome photos. Simply WoW. What an inspiration. I think those guys are awesome. Respect.

>>> Ladies in their most beautiful moments

The Untouchable

Response to Chiyo No Chichi’s entry

Refer to: Chiyo no Chichi’s entry on Monday, December 01, 2008

I found it very intriguing to me personally and it makes my fingers itchy. But since he doesn’t have a comment box and I don’t think a tag box can accommodate my long winded-ness. So yeah I’ll take one entry to respond to that.

Well, I couldn’t agree more with you. It’s easier to understand them from where you are since it’s a developed country but when it comes to people in poor country like mine, I can’t comprehend them at all. They spend too much money on what they want and too little on what they need. At one point, it seems as though what they need is what they want. But I have to say that having what you want effortlessly does breed a bad habit.

Hehehe, anyway working really opens your eye, doesn’t it? I have to disagree with you one thing though. Even though, money is hard to make, that’s why I can afford to spend what I earned myself on what I want with no guilt. I would also be willing to spend my 1 month salary to go to UK for 1 week (if 1 month salary is enough lol).  Why? Because, if I don’t go now and I may regret it later since it’s not sth you can do anytime like going playing sport or going shopping. If I wait till I’m older, I may lose the adventerous spirit due to work pressure and stuff, and you may not be so free to get me around anymore since you’ll be working too. Furthermore, right now, I don’t have family (well, I do have family but I’m refering the one that I’m solely respsonsible for. I don’t mean to insult your intelligence but I just bracket as pre-emption, in case you shoot back. :P) so majority of my salary would go to indulging my personal needs and wants. When family comes under our responsibility, we’ll definitely have to redefine the term “financial planning”. Yeah well, that’s only how I see though.

Response to Chiyo No Chichi’s entry

First Entry

I’m really blog hopping. Just wanna try out new things on the web. From LiveJournal, Blogspot, Multiply and now WordPress. I’ve heard a lot of good things about WordPress. I couldn’t help but sing up and try it out to see how.

I’ll dedicate my this wordpress blog to my IT, Web, Designs and Entertainment hobbies.

First Entry